Periods – Happy International Women’s Day!

I imagine many people often wonder if strippers work when they have their periods. Some strippers may take a night off work but for the majority, “Hell yes” is the answer. Women in most industries can’t just stop working because it’s that time of month. Strippers are no different. What people probably don’t know is that “Period boobs pay the rent!”

Men are unconsciously attracted to the smell of the pheromones we put off during our menstrual cycle. Also, our breasts swelling makes them look nice and full. Men happily sit squished between our boobs simply enjoying the smell.

Two researchers at UNM in Albuquerque studying 18 dancers for two months, in one club, in one city, for just two cycles, they recorded a large amount of data over time – 296 work shifts in total, representing about 5300 lap dances.

They discovered strippers who were not on the contraceptive pill and at their most fertile time earned an average of $70 dollars an hour, twice the $35 average of women at their least fertile phase.

Unfortunately, I don’t think people will claim that is enough research to say it’s been properly scientifically proven but what they discovered was a decrease of earnings when a stripper was on her period. 

I happen to completely disagree. My earnings increase when i’m on my period despite not feeling sexy or particularly 100% in hustler mode. Somehow, not many men say ‘no’ when I ask them if they would like a dance.

All drawings are by Jacq the Stripper

What do strippers do with the tampon when they’re on their period?
We cut the tampon string or tie the string into a small loop and push it in. Alternatively, we use a mooncup or diva cup. If you’re reading this and thinking of becoming a stripper I hope it’s obvious that you cut the string before inserting the tampon.

If you ever get a tampon stuck in you vagina, firstly, it’s really common and secondly, yes – that smell does reek! What’s happened is your tampon is compressed at the top of your vagina. It’s urgent that you get it out because you can get rare life-threatening bacterial infection called toxic shock syndrome (TSS).

Don’t panic! Just get to the toilet, place both feet on the toilet seat (yes you read correctly – exactly like this NO toilet sign).  Take a deep breath and squeeze like you need to do a big poo. Insert finger(s) and try and push the tampon out with your pelvic floor muscles. If that doesn’t work, ask your closest friend to help or go see your doctor!  

You may have heard of Menstrual synchrony or the McClintock effect. It when women sync cycles.

It’s called the McClintock effect named after psychologist, Martha McClintock, from Harvard University. She published her study in 1971 of 135 female undergraduates living in a dormitory together. Her study, based on eight cycles per woman, found roommates and close friends saw the average number of days between the start of their periods were from eight or nine or five days, proving that women did synchronise when living together.

A joint study by period tracking app Clue and Oxford University has apparently debunked the theory of syncing periods. In fact, a lot of studies have been conducted, a study of 26 lesbian couplesa study of 186 women in China and a study of Dogon women in west Africa and they all claim Menstrual synchrony is a myth.

Point is, women’s bodies are a mystery, designed to keep men guessing. Don’t ever think you have us figured out!

But in this blog I’m going off every time I have synced cycles with my housemates and my fellow work colleagues. Even female prisoners frequent report they’ve noticed as they live together, they’ve become more cramped, grumpy, tired, bloated, spotty and snappy around the same time.

I’d been wondering why our uteruses were in a monthly shows of solidarity? What was the benefit? Besides everyone at work has tampons when I needed them.

I did some research and found the main evolutionary explanation is that it permits female species to avoid being monopolised by a single dominant male.

When women get together our menstrual cycles sync. It’s not arbitrary. We will sync with the alpha’s females period. It’s Mother Nature’s clever scheme to give the ‘tribe’ more chance of survival.

When a group of women live together and the alpha female has her period and can’t get pregnant, the rest of the female tribe (aka competition) sync cycles so they can’t get pregnant too. This reduces the chance of the tribe being broken up or individuals being ostracized because an impulsive dominant alpha male has produced offspring from multiple women.

Mother nature’s aim for the alpha male and alpha female’s to mate and create a strong legacy and better chances for the human races means of survival and stronger evolution.

In our modern times, women on the contraceptive pill won’t experience menstrual synchrony which is most of the strippers in the club.

So what is it about women on their periods that attracted men more than any other time during the month? Do men subconsciously feel the need to impregnate a menstruating woman? She’s not pregnant and his animal instinct and sole purpose on this planet is to create more humans.

Since learning the possibility of syncing cycles so women can exert alternative mate choices to keep the tribe together, is it possible men like the pheromone smell cause the possibility of pregnancy is reduced?

For women, orgasms relieve some pelvic congestion and cramps so that’s a huge benefit. I definitely feel an increase in my desire for sex when I’ve got my period. Plus the menses adds additional lubrication (ew!).

But could it be possible men unconsciously like the smell because they’re more likely able to fuck you cause you’re hornier and are less likely to create babies. 

Win-win situation right? I can see the appeal for both genders.

Or is it because our periods remind us humans we have a job to do? Make babies!! 

I don’t have any answers. Women are designed to be mysterious to keep you engaged and enchanted. You’ll probably never figure us out.

If you’re a women maybe you’re wondering am I the alpha female making everyone in my workplace start the process of shedding the uterine lining in sync with me?

Well in a room full of hot women I don’t know how to identify whom the alpha women is.

You could find out who is and isn’t on the contraceptive pill then the female who earns the most money consistently is probably the alpha? Since the men can unknowingly detect female fertility better than we can.

Regardless, Happy International Women’s Day! Love your mysterious body! And remember…

U$e tho$e pheromone$ wi$ely!

I’ve attached a clip of Simon Sinek speaking about women syncing cycles with alpha female. You’ll have to fast forward to 23.20 to 24.07!

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