Ho-ssenials  

OUTFITS

When a baby stripper starts working, she’ll always spend a large proportion of her income buying outfits, claiming it’s an investment. It’s like watching a child figuring out what works and doesn’t.

You need to wear something that enhances your assets. I have found expensive is a no-go as it usually gets ruined or taken. Cheap and tacky I have notices works best because men are visual. They prefer to spend money on women in slutty outfits. Sluttier says I’m lots of fun! Leaving more to the imagination is for girlfriends or wives to be seen as a trophy’s but usually stays at home bored out of their fucking minds because men are possessive, jealous and territorial.

Feel free not to take my advice here, if you prefer to wear beautiful expensive outfits because that’s what makes you feel sexy then do so. Ultimately, you will make more money because you feel confident and confidence is sexy! Just be alert to men trying to steal your clothing as souvenirs.

While I’m not going to tell you what to wear, I am going to tell you about what each outfit presents and problems you may incur at some point or another.

Clubs dress requirements vary from club to club. Some will require you to wear gowns, a certain amount of clothing, thongs have to be certain amount of thickness or your nipples have to be always covered. If a club has strict requirements, they usually have a dressmaker selling a bunch of outfits that are club approved. They can be pricey.

Firstly, your outfit is going to be constantly removed so don’t complicate things! Make sure it’s easy to take off sexily.

  • Lace is beautiful and men love lace but it can rip easily by your shoes or customers and you may get holes in it.

  • White clothing will get covered in tan (if you are wearing tan or not) and will glow under the UV lights (most strip clubs have UV lighting).

  • Bikini’s are great, especially when it bunches between your butt crack and makes your look bigger. They are convenient cause they dry quickly after being washed.

  • Fishnets makes you look badass and I was once told men love it cause you look like you’ve been caught! Go figure.

  • See through outfits will get a lot of attention quickly, downside is men usually try graze your nips or exposed parts and you might get in a bad mood because of this.

  • Bright coloured outfits glow on stage and makes you look like fun, may require high energy and bubby attitude, if you can maintain that then you do you!

  • If you’re club allows you, wearing leg warmers can help take the impact off your knees on stage (less bruises).

  • Garters can be innocent or bad bitch, depending on the outfit. Some girls keep their money tied to their garters by folding the money over the garter and putting a rubber band over. This is an alternative to wearing it on your wrist where you might sweat more and get an irritating rash.

  • Stockings can be slippery and may prevent you from performing pole tricks but can help take the impact off your knees on stage (less bruises).

  • Men lust over red silk lingerie, if a drink is split over silk you will have a hard time removing the stain.

  • Bows are cute, men will want to ‘take care’ of you and may possibly display father like qualities hopefully you’ll be able to manipulate them into spending quality time with you somewhere private for a large fee.

SHOES

Pleasers has been voted the best and most comfortable stiletto to dance all night in by strippers. To prevent blisters use a hair dryer to help heat up the plastic to mold to your foot.

If you’re new, feeling unstable, wear shoes with a strap. Same goes with performing pole tricks on stage, wearing a strapless shoe can be flung off into a customer when performing. Hilarious for all but the customer coping a heel to the face but not professional.

If you feet swell or get quite sweaty during shifts and you struggle to take them off put baby powder on your feet, socks or stockings.

Boots can look badass and make you feel very secure in your shoes but after a few hours of wear you might notice your toes crushing against the front of the boots. It will hurt. Not much you can do about this besides become accustom to it or get a size up and wear thick socks.

When you buy new shoes remember to scuff up the bottoms on concrete or with some sandpaper so they aren’t so slippery and don’t leave skids marks on the stage. Falling on your ass, half naked in front of a bunch of strangers isn’t sexy. But if you do, just kick out one leg above your head and remember to point your toes!

Six inch heels is the best beginners height. The taller the heel the longer the legs look. Strippers who wear short heels either have very long legs or don’t give a fuck and I salute those who don’t give a fuck!

WATCH

Strippers belief system is that time is money, you will need a watch to keep check of time. Keep a close eye on how long you’ve been performing a lapdance or when you are on stage. If you are late for stage you face the wrath of an angry stripper or will be fined.

Glow in the dark digital watch is usually the best. 

 

HYGIENE

Keep Your Skin Glowing

When working long shifts covering in tan, make up, spray, and not getting much vitamin D (the sun, not dick), you’re skin may begin to break out. You need to have a good skin care routine. Find a good esthetician if you have outbreaks or if you have rashes or want botox, find a good dermatologist and explain your job and lifestyle, what you want your skin to look like and they should be able to provide the right skin care essentials and skin care routine for you.

If you wear tan find a good exfoliator and exfoliating gloves. When moisturising or using body oil on your skin make sure to do it in the morning so by the time your back on the pole you’re not lubing it up or the stage and getting yourself or anyone else that gets on stage slips and gets concussed.

Smell

Refresh sensitive area’s by using baby wipes, or PH-balanced wipes. This will cleanse, freshen and deodorise your vagina giving you a long lasting fresh feeling and make you less paranoid whether you smell okay down there during your shift.

I would advice you baby wipe your vagina and asshole after every time you go to the bathroom. During your shift if you get sweaty and hot, have a quick Kesha shower. (Kesha showers are wiping your sweat off with baby wipes and applying as much perfume as possible)

Put deodorant on before every shift.

Brush your teeth before a shift

And if you smoke have mints on hand.

Unwanted Hair

A lot of girls have had laser or IPL treatment to remove majority of hair in unwanted areas permanently. When shaving use oil rather than shaving cream will make your skin be less prone to angry red bumps. However, having hair wherever you want is perfectly acceptable, don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.

Avoiding butt pimples

After a long night of being nearly naked on a dirty stage, covered in tan and freshly shaved, you’re gonna get an outbreak of butt pimples or worse. Buy witch hazel, or alcohol if you’re brave enough to endure the sting and wipe down your butt cheeks.

Avoid Bruises

Most girls, regardless of taking plenty of multi-vitamins will get bruises from the impact on stage. It’s apart of the job. Your body will build up tolerance however taking iron tablets will help you heal quicker when you do.

If the club allows you, take a rug onto stage to reduce the impact on what feels like knees grinding on concrete floor.

 

 

 

MAKE UP 

  • Lipstick isn’t great if you do lesbian shows but it is great for marking customers
  • Bad contour isn’t really noticeable in dark lighting
  • If you are wearing fake eyelashes stick them on god damn properly
  • If you have permanent eyelashes make sure they’re not clumped all over the place.
  • Concealer for those bags under your eyes.. make sure, no one knows about the lack of sleep you’re getting because your housemates are noisy all fucking day.

  HAIR

Men see signs of healthy hair as a sign of good health and gene, and consider healthy hair a major turned on by it. Which I found interesting as most strippers I have spoken too who have been both blonde and brunette have noticed a considerable increase of earnings when blonde. Could they not see the snapped off hair and split ends from the bleach?

Women with long hair were perceived to be more feminine, young, healthy and sexy and I found nights I wore hair extensions I would earn more money. Swishy hair is favourable. Think Victoria Secret hair. When blow drying, straightening or curling your hair use heat protectant to prevent damage, reducing frizz and boosting your hairs shine. To learning how to style your hair watch YouTube tutorials.

Changing your looks to make you more money isn’t always in your best interest. If you have purple, white, blue, orange or green hair, sexy braids, cute curls, rocking afro or a bald head then by all means flaunt it. I am foremost an advocate of doing what makes you feel most confident.

Men have a tendency to play with our hair or give us a head massages which can be extremely annoying as it gets all messy and knotted but can also feel quite nice.

GLITTER

Glitter does make you look like a sparkly, shiny new toy or fairy princess but in a strip club if one of us wears glitter, we all wear glitter. Personally, I love it. 

Men don’t particularly like it, especially when their girlfriends/wives notice it. A part of me is okay with getting them covered in glitter and fake tan so their wives figure out a few drinks with the boys at the pub after the footy isn’t exactly at the pub. Other part of me doesn’t want to lose income. I stand by the argument of I take his money and her side almost always. 

If you do wear glitter it will affect your likability. You will have to deal with a bunch of angry strippers who don’t appreciate finding it everywhere and possibly want to keep their job a secret, you won’t be making it easy for them either.

PERFORMING ON STAGE

  • Find the slowest beat to the song and dance to that. Dancing all night is incredibly tiring and you want to reserve your energy. Also, if you dance hard you will sweat a lot and have to redo your make-up, tan and hair.
  • Point your GOD DAMN TOES if you’re going to the splits or any dance move. It just looks sexier!

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